Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Science Fiction

"You've been drinking my milk again, space scum... Draw your lightsaber."
"That seems like a relatively bad reason to kill each other."
"Well sure, but we have have lightsabers. If we do fight it will look and sound ridiculously awesome."
"Your words are wise... but your moves are slow!"


Why on Earth don't we have a freaking Lightsaber Club at BYU?! We have Medieval club! And people study like, mid-1200's German sword style and ridiculousness like that! So where is the Lightsaber club?! The goals would be so obvious: A. Learn how to fight with plastic lightsabers. 2 or B. Annoy the medieval club. 3. Find a way to travel back in time and fire whoever thought Jar Jar Binx was a good idea. So why hasn't anyone organized it yet?

Well you know what they say, if you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself. Here's what I want: A Lightsaber training club that can practice right next to "The Quill and the Sword" medieval club! Here they are:

But that's only half the giant lawn in front of the Wilk, right? So here's what we need on the other half of the lawn:
And yes, the instructor does have to be both Asian and bald, or Yoda. I think the most entertainment will come when the other club is angry and say that we aren't taking martial arts seriously, which of course will be 100% true (sorry random martial artist out there who specializes in 1200's medieval German swordsmanship and also reads this blog... maybe).

The instructors will have to wear full Jedi costumes, which, conveniently, there is an entire website dedicated to sale of Star Wars costumes: . Its real too! Only $38.99!!

This will have to wait til after the mission of course. So it falls into my PriorityQueue of other clubs in progress:

1) Hot Tub Club - meets in random apartments' Hot Tubs every Wednesday. Never mind, meets everyday.

2) Lightsaber Club - Discussed above.

3) The Club Club - A club designed for making ideas for clubs, but never actually doing it. Probably only one meeting... Then again... BYUSA has already been doing this for years...

4) Turtle Racing Club - BYU has a need of it.

5) The Flaming Mustache Club! - Its only lowered to #5 because the flaming mustache is gone, and we'd be on hiatus. It would have been an easy #1 last year. We could sacrifice facial hair to the mustache. Or all grow mustaches that we would then burn off. Oh wow... I just realized that I would be great at making a cult...

Anyways, who am I to make fun of sci-fi? I have a man-crush on Doctor Who right now. Not to mention, I actually think that Youtube video up there is super cool. If I ever make a movie with my Lightsaber Club I'm totally starting a fight with that script up top. But it will probably be a somewhat low quality film...

Now I leave you with a quote by some guys arguing behind LeBron James: "Why, in the expanded universe, would Luke fly something as archaic as a T-wing?!"

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Oh, I just died in your arms D-Bone!

Oh yes. Its time to let the world view my incredibly patient and epically long attempt to annoy my roommate. I know I haven't lived with Daniel for over a year but nonetheless, this must never be forgotten! Now we all know what the 80's were: bad hair, bad fashion, horrible CD cover art, and not amazingly impressive music, but endlessly and undyingly (immortally? unstoppably? resurrectedably?) catchy music. One of the most amazingly catchy yet pretty awful song of this era is none other than Cutting Crew's "(I just) Died in Your Arms Tonight". (Music video is kinda disturbing... . I didn't even want to post the video on my blog because I would be scared to come back... Its so tempting to click on! Look! Its... its blue!) So I must admit, I kinda like the song, I think its pretty catchy, so I started to play it a little bit. Then I decided to learn it on guitar. Then the idea hit me! I don't need to use this song to unfairly capture any more helpless girls hearts, I need to use it for good! (or perhaps... evil...)
(Happy Halloween... Not really, this is really the album cover... Happy 80's! But Happy Halloween anyway. I sorta missed it with my 3 week celebration of the day-that-car-drove-into-Grandview celebration)

D-bone quickly was exposed to its undyingly catchy-ness and began to sing it as I would play it on guitar. This is when it hit me, "I know a way to be annoying!" (Its probably bad that that's my number 1 goal but....) So it began. Since that day, every time Daniel and I have been together, that song has been playing. It's kinda a psychology experiment really: "How long until D-bone snaps and starts shooting people?" That's what I want to know. It took about two weeks of this before he said anything at all. That something was just like, 'wow this song is on a lot'... That was all I needed! All the emotion packed behind those monotone words told me what I wanted to hear, it had truly turned into his 'annoying, endlessly playing song'....

So I knew I had to be a bit sneakier... and, admittedly, the song was already getting on my, and LeBron James', nerves before D-bone's.... So I stopped playing the song directly. Instead I would search on YouTube for a clip that 'just so happened' to have that song as a background or in some remix. Or I would just play the song right before he left for class and pause it as soon as he left, then if he'd come back singing the song still, that would mean I had succeeded.

Daniel claims to never have noticed that I did this to him. There's probably an undying part of him that screams out for forgiveness after lying to me. I know it had to have driven him nuts! It drove the rest of us crazy after all!

But what's a good experiment without a multiple test subjects? Therefore, I have found myself a random collection of new roommates! Ones I did not know and, although they are all BYU students, Mormon, white, and male, I believe account for a random sampling of your normal everyday Americans and can be applied to anywhere in the USA. So my main test subject will be the kid who sleeps above me, who I will refer to as Skittles. Minor results may be collected from the Naysayer, Facial-hair, or anyone who lives in the Michael-Chamber. Game on!

I'm not sure how long this experiment will last but I'm not gonna stop until one of them either loses it, or says "Dakota" like the old charging horses in the Old West.... Because I'm a stallion.... Anyway I will have to check back in here when something awesome happens and account the story. So please don't tell any of my roommates you don't know about "Dakota"... If they read the blog, that's one thing, but.... still.... I'm looking forward to it... even though I already fear the power of that song...

My experiment on Skittles begins tomorrow. My own sanity is on the line, but it is the name of science! Has man ever embarked in so great a cause? Yes. But not often!