AVATAR

Ok Loitrons, I know I just wrote an entry a mere three days ago, but something has happened, and I feel the unrelenting need to write about it.

As you probably guessed from the title, I saw Avatar last night. I had the Idea of giving you a semi-review of this film. Let's start with what first comes to my mind about it.

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLYYYYYYYY &&&&&%%%*%%*$%%**^($*&$$&HGSR)E^HIDTGK_%)UY%^H^(#$IQ#$UT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*$*T&*#$%&%^*#!!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s right, I had to censor myself so Nick doesn’t delete this. It’s that amazing. I saw a 3D showing last night, and let me tell you, this movie and its special effects are absolutely unreal. Before the movie even starts, a few of the trailers are in 3D, so you’re already like “Whoa, dude, it’s like coming out of the screen!” Then they have this robot dog, and he has a ball, then the ball hovers in the air and FREAKING FLOATS OUT INTO THE AUDIENCE AND STARTS DANCING ABOVE THE FIRST FEW ROWS!!!!!!! Then it turns into the Real3D logo, and half the audience, myself included, is already pissing themselves in excitement.

And this is all before the movie even starts.

When the movie starts...

Ohh.....

It’s hard to even put into words how good these effects are. Apparently it took over 300 million dollars to make this movie, and it's immediately apparent why. In addition to the weird, 9 foot tall kitten people, there are all kinds of crazy animals and plants on this planet Pandora, where the movie takes place. Plus the futuristic military base, helicopters, and gunships. Everything is spectacular, everything looks 3-dimensional, and EVERYTHING LOOKS REAL. These crazy blue people, with their weird eyes and noses and blue skin and tentacle ponytails(you’ll have to see it to understand that one) look INSANELY REAL. THE CRAZY FOREST PLANET LOOKS INSANELY REAL. THE MILITARY TECHNOLOGY AND WAR HELICOPTERS AND ROBOT SUITS LOOK INSANELY REAL. EVERYTHING LOOKS INSANELY REAL.

See what I mean?

But there’s more to a movie than the effects, so let me get to the plot.

Ok, so the year is sometime in the future, and humans have set up camp on this planet Pandora, because they’re mining for a certain extremely valuable substance called “unobtanium”. I think they could’ve put more effort into that name, but whatever, I’ll let it slide. So anyway, there’s a huge deposit of this good stuff under the main home of the Nav’i, the blue kitten people. This home happens to be a skyscraper-size tree. To persuade them to move or something, they create these half human, half Nav’i bodies called avatars that these specific humans can control while lying in what looks like an MRI machine. So this one guy is a paraplegic who’s twin brother was in charge of the avatar program but he died for reasons unknown, so they have the paraplegic brother, Jake Sully, take his place because since they have the same DNA he can also control his brother’s avatar.

Wait, it gets MUCH weirder.

This guy Jake accidentally gets caught by the blue people while in his avatar body, so they inexplicably decide to teach him their ways, he falls in love with a blue person, and hilarity ensues. Well, not hilarity, but a whole lot of explosions and fighting and flying on giant pterodactyl creatures and much more and explosions. Did I mention this is all in 3D too? Explosions.

Now the plot itself is a little sticky. The whole love thing gets tiresome (not to mention WEIRD). The first three quarters of the movie can get a bit slow at times, some of the writing is George Lucas-quality, and some of the plot events blatantly make no sense.

For example, what is going through the chief blue person when he lets Jake into the tribe?

“Here is an outsider who looks like one of us but is wearing our enemy’s clothing and only speaks their language. We will teach him to be like us and see if he is worthy to be one of us.”

Ok then.

But it doesn’t really matter anyway.

Because the last part of the movie

WILL

BLOW

YOUR

MIND

I’m a very quiet person in a theatre. I’m never one to yell “Don’t go in there!” or “Run away!” at fictional characters projected on a screen. But in the in the last hour or so of this movie I had to restrain myself from cheering and yelling “HOLY *EXPLETIVE*” And a few times I was unsuccessful.

The final battle scene of this movie is amazing. Imagine the most intensely fantastic aerial battle sequence you can possibly imagine. Yeah, that’s like not even a fraction of how mind-blowing this final sequence is. Also, I can read your thoughts.

This picture alone is better than what you came up with

So overall, I loved this movie. The plot was slightly weak but was strong enough to hold the movie together soundly, and of course the special effects were just...yeah I think you get the idea by this point. I still had heart palpitations as I walked out of the theatre.

One last note though, completely unrelated to the movie. This is addressed to the idiots who sat behind me.

Come ON!!! No one wants your stupid commentary on this movie! Yes the alien people are weird, yes that animal is scary, and yes, that guy is not very nice! I don’t think any of us need help picking that up! Though I guess I should cut you some slack. Judging by the comment, “Why are his legs so skinny?”, which was spewed during a scene showing the main character Jake, the PARAPLEGIC, in his wheelchair, I can safely deduce that you guys are not the sharpest tools in the shed.

Anyway,

Loitrons (and co-authors), I implore you to see this movie! Like The Dark Knight, you DO NOT want to miss it while it’s in theatres, and you pretty much have to see it in 3D. You may need to change your underwear afterward, but you will not be disappointed.