Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Dear John

Well, My roommate from last semester, Lebron James, issued a challenge upon leaving for his mission. Whoever sends him the best "Dear John" letter wins a... um... car I believe. Anyways, I'm pretty sure that he was only referring to girls when he issued the challenge. Unfortunately, he knows me! A man with way too much time and no hesitation to do things that are borderline homosexual.

So suffice it to say, a competition was more than enough motivation for me to begin flooding him with Dear John letters. I'm not sure how many I have written so far... somewhere around 6... but this was my favorite so far. Enjoy.

Dear Mr. Elder Orton,

We regret to inform you that your request to join Nick Evans on his honeymoon has been denied. While we were impressed with your background and experience, we have concluded that another candidate's qualifications more closely match our requirements. We sincerely regret that we cannot offer you this position at this time.

You have our best wishes for success in locating the opportunity you deserve. In the event of an appropriate available position, we will not hesitate to contact you; however, we would not encourage you to apply again within the next eternity as your resume will be denied.

We appreciate your interest and the time you have invested in interviewing with AnyCompany.

Very truly yours,

Nick Evans
Human Resources