Friday, April 11, 2014

Trapped on Campus

So I have been spending way too much time in the library. One of my friend's phones recognized the library's wifi and actually told him one day, "It looks like you spend a lot of time here. Would you like to set this as a home location?" That's always a clear sign that it is time to go home. The other night was so bad that I actually was in the library until it closed. I didn't even know it closed. At BYU the library apparently ends every night as a party. At 11:45 there was a threat of arrest for being considered a trespasser and a friendly invitation to leave, followed by "Come Sail Away" by STYX being played over the loud speaker! No joke! I always wondered how you could ever work at a library, now it doesn't seem too hard.

I really have two homes. My second home is the basement of the Talmage building. That's the Computer Science Building. I tend to avoid telling people that I'm a Computer Science major and just tell them that I'm studying animation. I do that to avoid these kind of questions: "You're a computer science major! Oh Great! I spilled Mountain Dew on my laptop. Do you know how to fix that?" Which of course... I know nothing about. Plus I don't think anyone knows how to fix that. I only know one thing as a CS Major so if the question has anything to do with computers, and the words "for" and "loop" are not included, I am equally clueless as everyone else.

That's about right. Of course I am proud to say that my CS room has dry erase boards instead of chalk.
Come on. We are computer science majors, we use advanced technology but they have to use chalk?

I'm convinced that BYU is trying to hide Computer Scientists in the basement for a reason. If I were to classify us I would put us into 3 catagories:

80% Really weird people
10% Really weird people who at least try to act normal
10% Normal people

So we're the last people that the campus wants recruits to see on a campus visit. But recently I have noticed a sharp increase in the number of abnormally attractive girls in the basement of the Talmage building. I suddenly understand why Mexicans would stare shamelessly at me, a white boy, in Mexico. I do the same to the girls now! It has nothing to do with the girl being pretty, pretty girls are all over campus, and all over Facebook. We can find them through the internet that we, computer scientists, have wired into our cave. It has everything to do with her being down here. What? Does the nursing program now have a prerequisite CS class?

Sorry Arrow, I don't buy that Felicity actually knows how to
code even after they try to make her look like a nerd.
I am often tempted to offer them help when I see an especially attractive girl in the Talmage basement. I feel like they don't know where they are or how they got there. I know its ridiculous to think that, but since my classes are already 90% men and 10% women, and 50% of those women look a little bit like men anyways, I just assumed that programming and beauty came together about as often as North Korea and night lights... I imagine I should sneak in, like the hero, and whisper, "Listen closely, I know how to get out of here. Hurry, take my hand and follow me. Don't make eye contact with any of the CS majors. They haven't noticed you yet, but when they see you here of all places? I don't think anyone could stop them, they'd propose. We'll get out through the secret staircase, or maybe the public elevator. How long have you been trapped down here?"

"Wait... I'm in the Talmage Building?"

"Yeah. The Basement!"

"What have I been typing? for(int i = 0; i
"Let me take you to a more creative building. Or at least the Nursing building..."

I then think better about it and realize, they are probably just the girlfriends of the 10% normal CS majors! Of course I have nothing against pretty girls programming, I'm just convinced that something about the words pretty girl and programming repel each other like two positive sides of a magnet.

Here's a good Computer Science Major joke to end on:

 How can you tell the difference between a extrovert CS major and an introvert CS major?
          - The extrovert will look at your feet while he's talking to you.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Warning! Math disclosed and explained

 So today in my CS class we were introduced to a bunch of new mathematical symbols that I didn't even know existed. I'm in a class called Discrete Mathematics (shhh!). I can never remember the different names of the symbols, so I find myself making up names for half of the symbols. Here is a quick summary of the names of the symbols for your personal reference.

Most common names: 
Other names:
Sitting giraffe
The Water slide

Most Common names:
Triple bar
Identical to
Other names:
The wedding cake
Rotating subway security door
Bunk bed for triplets

Most Common Names:
For any for all
Universal quantification
Other Names:
Glass half full
Pink Floyd's Prism upsidedown

Most Common Names:
Summation Operator
Other Names:
The Auto Fuse
The Pod Racer

Try using the alternate names every time you run into it in your book and it should make learning math a little more fun. Example:

Read like this:
"One n just realized that he is being closely followed by a pod racer that is driven from anyone in the race who's name is between 1 and I (that's a lot of names...)."

Yeah I don't have any idea whats going on in my CS class because I apply this too much.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Don't ever miss your plastic boat

This week I have decided to tell a story of another missionary in my mission that he related to me and I found hilarious!
Right so I better explain why I posted a picture of a nasty brown river this week. Well turns out that river is a river of poo... Those exist down in Mexico. Its just a sewage river that flows through the area of a missionary named Elder Jackson and into mine. Well turns out one night while it was raining he and Elder Garcia (his companion at this time) were trying to get home on at 9pm, because it is a rule to be in home before 9. Suddenly they noticed that their usual route home was completely submerged by the appropriately named "poo river," or also the appropriately dubbed, "poo canyon." So they decided to try a second route and began running upstream to cross. As they turned the corner they arrived just in time to watch their last hope of a path get swept over by poo river. Frustrated, they turned around and, now horrified, watched the path they had used to get there get flooded with poo water too. They were stuck on an island with poo river rising on both shores. So, not having any other options, they said a prayer. Basically they said, "We're trying to be obedient, and now we're stuck, so we could really use a way to get to the other side so we can get home." As soon as they finished their prayer a plastic boat floated down the river right at them, then got stuck right in front of them. A legit boat! Big enough for 2 people! With oars and everything just floated to them! But there was a catch. To reach the plastic boat, Elder Jackson would have to take a step into the poo river and only then could he reach it. So he decided to pray again. 

"I'm really thankful for this boat. Its really awesome. But can you move it just a little closer, because I really dont want to get my shoe covered in poo water." Sure enough, after his prayer, the boat started to float a little closer to him, then when he finished, the tree branch snapped, the boat spun away and floated away. Well they missed their plastic boat God sent to them, and the water was rising, which left one option. They had to cross a poo river up to their thighs... Moral: Sometimes God sends you an answer but you might need to get one of your shoes a little covered in poo water to get it. Never miss your plastic boat! I got stuck in the river the next day but no plastic boat for us, we had to throw a bunch of rocks in the river and jump it.