Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas

Happy Christmas to you in Britain.
Feliz Navidad if you hablas espanol.
Frohe Weihnachten - German
Gezuar Krishtlindjet - Albanian
Fete Nwel - Hatain Creole (For Jake)
Bon Nadal - Catalan
Vesale Vanoce - Dutch
Selamat Hari Krismas - Malay

And of course Merry Christmas to all of you in North America that I like!

Friday, December 17, 2010

We gave him an Asian drink

I am here to save nick from over exerting himself and talking too much. I am here. Nick informs me what I write is HIT OR MISS! Wtf. I HAVE A MILLION HITS. Everybody loves me. Okay now that that is cleared up. I have an issue. Nick also said that my best post was the bicycle bob one… for any of you less than perfect fans ill have you know that was A YEAR AGO. That means I’ve had a year of dead… BUT Bicycle Bob was still good so in celebration of Bicycle Bob! Today I will tell you about Bums. Between five and six hundred thousand people are considered homeless at any given time in America. 60% of those are single men. So is a bum just someone who is homeless? No… that would be very stereotypical and would probably offend my friends.

ONE TIME. Me and my friends… (these friends were a few fries short of a happy meal if you know what I mean) threw a TV over an overpass into this tunnel that ran along side a river. Two of my friends were down below and when I yelled can we drop it the river was so loud that I didn’t hear them yell NO DON’T DROP IT. So we dropped it. And we started to run down to see. We thought it might have magic glitter coming out of it. But then my two friends are running back up like no no run run and this crazy guy was chasing them with a piece of the TV. Jk. They were yelling no no theres someone down there. We thought we were in trouble so we peeled out in our pre planned get away car. We went back the next day to clean up the TV and saw that someone was living under the bridge. SO always check for Bums before tossing your TV. They live under bridges.

ANOTHER TIME. We found this very talkative bum who sold us a packet of jokes for like 5 bucks. Jk I wasn’t there but my friend was and the jokes were really funny. SO Bums are funny.

THIS TIME. We talked to this bum who was telling us how sick they were and we gave him an asian drink and said it would make him better. Im telling the truth to you but we might’ve been just kidding to the bum because we aren’t doctors and the drink had no english on it. SO Bums are trusting.

THIS TIME IN SALT LAKE. We stood in line for like an hour to get this bum a hot dog. SO bums are hungry. And I have a lot of time.

THE BEST TIMES. These previous times were in Utah. But the BEST TIMES were with as you know the famous Bicycle Bob in Latrobe, PA. You’ll have to see The Legend of Bicycle Bob post for that. SO Bums are more popular when they have bikes and nicknames and are one of the few in a town. Oh P town why don’t you give your bums bikes.

So Homeless people spend a lot of time in jail and in the hospital. I feel bad I see them on their good days. Who bails them out of jail? Who visits them in the hospital? Do they have bum friends? Because they are always alone and have issues so I don’t think so. This is depressing. Sorry maybe I’ll get my hit next time. I have to go save the world or something now. I recycle… and sometime I carry my groceries without bags… eh…oh… uh… Nothing will be enough.

The Facebook Project

Among many of my great fears of the internet, spanning from the creation of a Google army, to another website dedicated twilight roleplay, comes my fear of Facebook. Facebook is amazing. It has somehow surpassed everything else in the internet in consuming the average American's life. Now think about that, surpassed everything else! That blows me away!

So of late I have noticed some new disturbing trends on Facebook. That is its uncanny ability to pair two random statuses from people who have never met but happen to be sharing a similar thought, right next to each other on my news feed. It all started with this:

This may look familiar to many of you. Facebook can combine things now. Not that big of a deal right? Well here's one that might catch your scarcly impressed demeanor!These two people have never met each other, I can assure you. One being Sterling's sister, and the other from College. So how does Facebook do it? I'm not sure... I'm only concerned about when Facebook tries editing people's relationship statuses based on similar comments or similar pictures. Facebook : Matchmaker...

Continuing on from here are just fun statuses I've collected, some are funny because they were next to each other, others are ironic, and some are just funny. Enjoy:Glass half full?Irony...

This was in the middle of all the complaints about the naked scene in Harry Potter! As much as I miss Dallin... he was a dirtbag that night...

Does this deserve a "Go America?" You decide.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010


I was a weird kid in High school. I'm well aware of that fact, I just had no idea that it would pay off so well! Here's what I did. Scag and I were in the Library one day during lunch when we somehow decided to make a giant set of clues leading to a prize. We put the first clue somewhere where we knew people would find it and then proceeded to spread more clues throughout the library. We would put little pieces of paper saying, "Clue [whatever number] Next clue located [some clever riddle]" We hid them behind library Dewey Decimal signs, below the printer, and usually, on random pages of certain books. We had to put the last clue in a book that people are the least likely to read, so, for no real reason, we chose the book Our Town.

On the final clue, we wrote my phone number (I like to write my name and number on things too, Nicole...) on a small piece of paper and said that if they texted me I would give them a prize. We thought we were incredibly clever and cool. Little did I know that we actually WERE! Guess what I text received today?

"'Rubber wheel thorn winner'" - random (303) number
"Um... what?!" - My response
"I found a paper in a book that said I won... what did I win? Hahha"
"Sounds like you may have stumbled upon a free rubber wheel with a thorn in it! lucky..."
"Hahhhahaha!! Who is this?" (yes... there really were 3 'h's in a row...)
"nick. I meant to ask you the same thing... eventually"
"Did you read Our Town?"
"That's the book I found it in. Do you go to Grandview?"
"HOLY CRAP! I totally forgot about that! You just made my day! You even texted me! and yes I went to Grandview"
"How long ago?"
"Was I at Grandview? I graduated in '09. Did you have to read our town for a class or just checked it out?"
"I just checked it out. Hahha. I'm a Junior this year."
... conversation becomes boring from here on.

Someone actually found it! Granted they skipped all the clues and just found the ending... but still! And on top of that they actually texted the number! For that, I forgive them for not ever spelling 'haha' right! Despite the great amount of frustration that created.

I forgot how much fun doing dumb stuff like that was! I sure didn't expect anyone to actually contact a random number on a piece of paper in a library book. But for the first day this year, I am not a cynical man! Humans rock (at least until tomorrow)!