Friday, April 11, 2014

Trapped on Campus

So I have been spending way too much time in the library. One of my friend's phones recognized the library's wifi and actually told him one day, "It looks like you spend a lot of time here. Would you like to set this as a home location?" That's always a clear sign that it is time to go home. The other night was so bad that I actually was in the library until it closed. I didn't even know it closed. At BYU the library apparently ends every night as a party. At 11:45 there was a threat of arrest for being considered a trespasser and a friendly invitation to leave, followed by "Come Sail Away" by STYX being played over the loud speaker! No joke! I always wondered how you could ever work at a library, now it doesn't seem too hard.

I really have two homes. My second home is the basement of the Talmage building. That's the Computer Science Building. I tend to avoid telling people that I'm a Computer Science major and just tell them that I'm studying animation. I do that to avoid these kind of questions: "You're a computer science major! Oh Great! I spilled Mountain Dew on my laptop. Do you know how to fix that?" Which of course... I know nothing about. Plus I don't think anyone knows how to fix that. I only know one thing as a CS Major so if the question has anything to do with computers, and the words "for" and "loop" are not included, I am equally clueless as everyone else.

That's about right. Of course I am proud to say that my CS room has dry erase boards instead of chalk.
Come on. We are computer science majors, we use advanced technology but they have to use chalk?

I'm convinced that BYU is trying to hide Computer Scientists in the basement for a reason. If I were to classify us I would put us into 3 catagories:

80% Really weird people
10% Really weird people who at least try to act normal
10% Normal people

So we're the last people that the campus wants recruits to see on a campus visit. But recently I have noticed a sharp increase in the number of abnormally attractive girls in the basement of the Talmage building. I suddenly understand why Mexicans would stare shamelessly at me, a white boy, in Mexico. I do the same to the girls now! It has nothing to do with the girl being pretty, pretty girls are all over campus, and all over Facebook. We can find them through the internet that we, computer scientists, have wired into our cave. It has everything to do with her being down here. What? Does the nursing program now have a prerequisite CS class?

Sorry Arrow, I don't buy that Felicity actually knows how to
code even after they try to make her look like a nerd.
I am often tempted to offer them help when I see an especially attractive girl in the Talmage basement. I feel like they don't know where they are or how they got there. I know its ridiculous to think that, but since my classes are already 90% men and 10% women, and 50% of those women look a little bit like men anyways, I just assumed that programming and beauty came together about as often as North Korea and night lights... I imagine I should sneak in, like the hero, and whisper, "Listen closely, I know how to get out of here. Hurry, take my hand and follow me. Don't make eye contact with any of the CS majors. They haven't noticed you yet, but when they see you here of all places? I don't think anyone could stop them, they'd propose. We'll get out through the secret staircase, or maybe the public elevator. How long have you been trapped down here?"

"Wait... I'm in the Talmage Building?"

"Yeah. The Basement!"

"What have I been typing? for(int i = 0; i
"Let me take you to a more creative building. Or at least the Nursing building..."

I then think better about it and realize, they are probably just the girlfriends of the 10% normal CS majors! Of course I have nothing against pretty girls programming, I'm just convinced that something about the words pretty girl and programming repel each other like two positive sides of a magnet.

Here's a good Computer Science Major joke to end on:

 How can you tell the difference between a extrovert CS major and an introvert CS major?
          - The extrovert will look at your feet while he's talking to you.