Thursday, September 30, 2010

Cars Revisited

And NO! I'm not talking about the new Disney-Pixar movie: Cars 2: World Grand Prix, (although I love Pixar) this post is about how much I've grown to hate Cars. You remember how when you're 15 you think driving is going to be the greatest thing to ever happen... ever?! I do. How wrong we were. Driving kinda bites, like unto Pat's dog.

As with most things I own, I have been doing my best to destroy my vehicular mobile. In my years of driving I have been able to trade paint with 4 other cars. Only one of which was a moving car (the only one I'm not responsible for), because my eyes are focused on movement. You become invisible if you stand still long enough. Then on top of that Ive been able to break my blinker and knock off my mirror with a pillar and a cement curb. Not to mention totaling the Infiniti... In this entry, I would like to clarify my struggles...
My First - A parked suburban.
Damage - Broken Tail Light, dent into side of suburban.
Summary - Okay, I still claim innocence in this incident! What happened was that my mom
parked her suburban outside of the garage, for no apparent reason, and didn't tell me she did it! So its a white car, it had snowed that morning, my rear window is covered in snow, and its 5:50 in the morning...

Second Accident - Paul Woodbury's green Saturn.
Damage - Loss of front license plate, loss of paint on front of car, and yet... no visible damage to Paul's car...
Summary - Ok... This one was my fault... Pretty much completely... What happened was while I was driving Charlie from seminary to school and we were waiting at the light to turn into my school's parking lot when for some reason, unknown to me, I decided, "Hey... I should gun it forward without looking up! Undoubtedly light turned green while I wasn't paying attention!" So sure enough I slam into his trunk... It must have looked really funny to everyone else thoough cause everything was fine then this red mustang just lost it and gunned it into the back of a green Saturn. Everyone must have been curious as to whether I was mad at him or just thought green always meant go, even if its on a car (which of course is TRUE! If you drive a green car you don't ever have to stop). So we didn't even ever talk about it, since most of the damage was done to my car... and Paul's German exchange student's mental status (I'm not kidding...). The funny part is, I knew something about my car did look different but couldn't figure out what it was until after school when I looked again... My license plate was gone! I was freaking out and dragged Jordan along to help me go and look for it. Sure enough, there it still was at the scene of the crime, just lying in the road, thankfully.

Third Accident - Backed into in a parking lot
Damage - Minimal
Summary - Well this is the common right of passage to all drivers, the 'I was already here and you kept backing up even tho I'm blaring my horn and reversing' accident. I don't think I need to go into detail. I just looked at her angrily, she apologized, then I went home to eat Cheez-its. (Which I realize I'm way too nice. Cause when I hit people like she hit me... They charge me for everything I'm worth). I did miss a great opportunity to get an attractive girl's phone number though...

Fourth Accident - The light post
Damage - Broken Blinker, hole/gash in front left bumper, body plate bent so that my door pops
when I try to open it, stained my best pair of pants.
Summary - Okay, so this is going to take the help of a visual example again. Pretty much, I imitated Jasmin and turned around to grab something from the back, miscalculated my trajectory, and slammed into my light column at my house. That was the biggest impact I've felt in a car. Like I went from 18 - 0 really really fast... I know that sounds lame but it scared me, okay? I had to start parking in a bush to hide the damage...

Fifth Accident - The Curb
Damage - My rear view mirror is no longer attached to my windshield
Summary - So I'm a little bitter about this one as well... What happened is that I was pulling out onto Arapahoe Road from a gas station in my Mustang and was being a good lil driver and all. But I was looking to my left to make sure no cars were coming, all of the sudden my car tries to......jump. I just ducked screaming, "I'm back in 'nam!" When I regained my composure, I backed up carefully and still didn't see anything... So I had to get out of my car and look to see this little triangle of raised cement in the middle of the road with no signs and no purpose... except maybe as a joke... It was totally invisible to me! My windshield is really angled so seeing is already and issue and... yeah... stupid WaterWay... Oh and for future reference, hot glue does not attach a mirror back onto a windshield. Not because I've tried it or anything... Its just, uh, what I've heard.

Sixth Accident - Mrs. Prego
Damage - Estimated damage cost: $2,100 to my car. Damage and injury to her: unknown.
Summary - Wow... This list is getting WAAAY too long. I started it thinking. Well at least this will be a short blog post. But I guess I'm just a pretty terrible driver. This explains why my Dad was so clear every time I would take a car driving this summer. ("Don't get in a wreck!")

Anyways, D-bone and I were driving home from work when we stopped at a light. As I leaned down to change the radio, I sorta let go of the break. Next thing I knew I watched in slow motion as the Infiniti's hood bent upwards. Its like how I've always imagined mountains being raised from the Earth. I got out of the car upset and who comes out but a 6 month, already looks like she's gonna pop, pregnant woman. You've gotta be kidding me! We agreed that all the damage was to my car and that she was fine. * note: She was fine until the next day when her insurance called me claiming damage AND injury... some people obviously deserve this:
So I hope this has been educational. And I'm actually not that bad of a driver, I was ranked no. 1 during a BMW driver thingy... for lack of a better word... I just don't pay a lot of attention to... a lot of things...


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