I am here to save nick from over exerting himself and talking too much. I am here. Nick informs me what I write is HIT OR MISS! Wtf. I HAVE A MILLION HITS. Everybody loves me. Okay now that that is cleared up. I have an issue. Nick also said that my best post was the bicycle bob one… for any of you less than perfect fans ill have you know that was A YEAR AGO. That means I’ve had a year of dead… BUT Bicycle Bob was still good so in celebration of Bicycle Bob! Today I will tell you about Bums. Between five and six hundred thousand people are considered homeless at any given time in America. 60% of those are single men. So is a bum just someone who is homeless? No… that would be very stereotypical and would probably offend my friends.
ONE TIME. Me and my friends… (these friends were a few fries short of a happy meal if you know what I mean) threw a TV over an overpass into this tunnel that ran along side a river. Two of my friends were down below and when I yelled can we drop it the river was so loud that I didn’t hear them yell NO DON’T DROP IT. So we dropped it. And we started to run down to see. We thought it might have magic glitter coming out of it. But then my two friends are running back up like no no run run and this crazy guy was chasing them with a piece of the TV. Jk. They were yelling no no theres someone down there. We thought we were in trouble so we peeled out in our pre planned get away car. We went back the next day to clean up the TV and saw that someone was living under the bridge. SO always check for Bums before tossing your TV. They live under bridges.
ANOTHER TIME. We found this very talkative bum who sold us a packet of jokes for like 5 bucks. Jk I wasn’t there but my friend was and the jokes were really funny. SO Bums are funny.
THIS TIME. We talked to this bum who was telling us how sick they were and we gave him an asian drink and said it would make him better. Im telling the truth to you but we might’ve been just kidding to the bum because we aren’t doctors and the drink had no english on it. SO Bums are trusting.
THIS TIME IN SALT LAKE. We stood in line for like an hour to get this bum a hot dog. SO bums are hungry. And I have a lot of time.
THE BEST TIMES. These previous times were in Utah. But the BEST TIMES were with as you know the famous Bicycle Bob in Latrobe, PA. You’ll have to see The Legend of Bicycle Bob post for that. SO Bums are more popular when they have bikes and nicknames and are one of the few in a town. Oh P town why don’t you give your bums bikes.
So Homeless people spend a lot of time in jail and in the hospital. I feel bad I see them on their good days. Who bails them out of jail? Who visits them in the hospital? Do they have bum friends? Because they are always alone and have issues so I don’t think so. This is depressing. Sorry maybe I’ll get my hit next time. I have to go save the world or something now. I recycle… and sometime I carry my groceries without bags… eh…oh… uh… Nothing will be enough.