What would the world be like without Facebook?

Well... Probably better.... I guess that question is pretty easy. Wait... What am I talking about?! There's no better distraction than that of Facebook! Farmville, cooking-in-some-weird-restaurant-ville, poking friends, murder, identity theft, tagging photos, and even writing on people's walls?! It is possible! All of them! Facebook really can be awesome, despite my initial hesitance to join this mind-controlling community. Especially if one uses Facebook to its fullest. Facebook is not for making friends, its for ALIENATING friends. Let me explain:

I know a person named Marc Wells... STANLEY Marc Wells... Sir STANLEY Marc Wells... Sir STANLEY Marc Wells of Gondor. So Sir Stanley Marc Wells and I are what is called "friends" on facebook, and I was bored. Being friends with me on Facebook + me being bored = I have no clue, but its hardly ever good... I don't plan these things... They come through inspiration... Inspiration undoubtedly from the wrong source. That's unimportant, much like everything Paris Hilton says. The point of this story is how I got Marc Wells... STANLEY Marc Wells... Sir STANLEY Marc Wells... Sir STANLEY Marc Wells of Gondor... nay, HONORABLE Sir STANLEY Marc Wells of Gondor to lose his identity with the clever use of flags... uh... I mean tags...



Marc is a man of simple pleasures, he just wants to serve a Mormon mission in Ukraine, live in a small house in the prairie, and maybe occasionally fight off Bowsers to save princess. Unfortunately, he knows me, a man who spends an excessive amount of time in what people often call, the interweb. Bored one night I decided to 'tag' myself.... on Marc's face. This way, every time someone would see his picture and scroll their cursor over it, my name would appear. Then I thought... I should set this as MY profile picture! So below is the exact same picture as above.... its kinda a symbolic thing... you know... to show there were two of us with the same picture.... Therefore two of the same picture... you know... its like... yeah!



D-bone saw this and had an ingenious idea to tag more people in this picture and to have us ALL put Marc as our profile picture... This is why he's my roommate... So... We did.

After explaining this to most of these people we asked to have them comment on Marc's profile picture with their own new profile picture of Marc. The power of Dopplegangers is AMAZING! See below....



O and that's not all, I checked again a little while later and the list had grown...



Wha ha ha! My evil plan was working! Now no one would ever remember Marc Wells... SIR MARC WELLS OF CHEESE! He was gone to them... He was gone to even the internet! I think my favorite moment was on his profile when I looked at the list of common friends between us.



I laughed inwardly... and even outwardly as much as is socially acceptable... My greatest success in life thus far! Which is another way of saying I don't really... have... much....... of a life.... SHUT UP! It was FAN-freaking-TASTIC! It seemed the whole world had decided to join me in this crusade! Jerusalem was MINE! (and by Jerusalem I mean Marc's unborn children... Don't ask) There were even a couple girls in on it! And I know for a fact none of them were Marc Wells... I hope... I'll be right back................. Yeah, None of them are Marc Wells.

As I was smiling to myself the next day a thought hit me... What if people don't forget about Marc Wells and simply are reminded of him more often because so many people have him as their picture? Crap... This hadn't as of yet occurred to me... This poses a problem... my mean intentions had simply made him feel, ugh... it hurts to pronounce, loved? I couldn't have THAT! Not while I was ruthlessly thinking unkind thoughts about him! I want it clear that all who participated have once again return to their original pictures and Marc Wells is forgotten once more...

Oh, if you are involved with law enforcement type activities, read this paragraph and ignore the next one. Just in case this action taken above is illegal, the whole idea was D-bone's... He's a madman... HE SAID HE'D EAT MY CHEEZ-ITS! What kind of sick person... would ever... take the name of Cheez-its in vain? My heart just stops when I think about it.

----or----

If you are not involved with law enforcement, read this paragraph. It WAS my idea! As was that loop-hole-less contingency plan above! Oh and just so you know, this idea was patented by licence 720-224-7294 (which just so happens to double as Pat McCallin's phone number. Go ahead and give him a call... especially if you are a young skinny boy between the ages of 13 and 17) and legal action will be... um... acted if you copy this idea.